What Looked After Children Need Most When They First Arrive

When looked after children first arrive in a fostering household, it might feel natural to jump to introductions, a tour of the house, talking about likes and dislikes, boundaries and routines. While these are important, what children need most in those early moments is something much simpler. They need to feel safe, accepted and given space to adjust at their own pace.

The first few hours and days can shape how a child experiences their new home. Understanding what really matters during

this time can help foster parents respond in a calm, reassuring way and build the foundations for trust to grow.

Safety Comes Before Everything Else

Looked after children will have often faced instability and uncertainty in their lives. One of the most important things you can offer is a sense of calm, consistency and safety.

This includes:

• Knowing where they will sleep
• Understanding who is caring for them
• Feeling physically secure in the home
• Experiencing a calm and predictable environment

Safety is not just about the home itself. It is also about how you speak, how you respond, and how you help them feel settled. We’ll explore the early days of fostering and what to expect during your ‘Skills to Foster’ training.

A Calm and Low-Pressure Welcome

It can feel natural to want to do everything right away; making them feel welcome, showing them the house, asking questions. But most looked after children benefit from a calm, low-pressure start.

What helps is:

• A simple and friendly welcome
• Keeping the first few hours quiet and manageable
• Avoiding too many questions straight away
• Letting the child take the lead where possible

Some children will engage quickly. Others will need time to observe and adjust. Both responses are normal.

Predictability and Simple Routine

Routine helps reduce anxiety. When children know what is happening next, they can begin to relax.

In the early days, this might look like:

• Clear mealtimes
• A consistent bedtime routine
• Letting them know what will happen tomorrow
• Keeping plans simple

You do not need a perfect routine straight away. Consistency is what matters most.

Space to Feel and Process

Looked after children may arrive feeling overwhelmed, confused or unsure. Their feelings do not always show in obvious ways. 

What helps is allowing space:

• Let them know it is ok to feel unsure
• Reassure them without pressure to talk
• Take things at their pace.

Sometimes being present is enough.

Small Moments That Build Trust

Trust grows over time, and through small, consistent moments.

This might include:

• Giving choices
• Following through on what you say
• Being a reliable presence

For looked after children, consistency makes a difference. It shows them that your home is predictable, reliable and that they can trust you.

Helping Them Feel Part of the Home

Children often arrive feeling like a visitor. Helping them feel like they belong can make a real difference to how they settle.

Simple things can help:

• Letting them choose things like snacks or activities
• Including them in everyday routines
• Using language that makes them feel part of the household

Support for Foster Carers in Wales

Supporting looked after children is not something you’re expected to manage on your own. At Family Fostering Partners, our foster parents receive:

• A dedicated link worker
• Regular supervision, visits and check ins
• Ongoing training and development opportunities
• 24/7 out of hours support
• Access to FosterTalk for independent advice and guidance.

This support is there to guide you, reassure you and help you feel confident in your role.

Why the Early Days Matter

The early days are not about getting everything right. They are about creating a calm, safe space where a child can begin to settle.

For looked after children, feeling safe and accepted early on can shape how they experience their new home as a whole. Small, consistent actions often have the biggest impact.

Thinking About Becoming a Foster Carer?

If you are considering fostering, understanding what looked after children need when they first arrive is a good place to start. With the right support, guidance and time, you will find your own way of helping children feel safe and settled.

At Family Fostering Partners Wales, we are here to support you every step of the way.

Contact us today to learn more.

 

FAQs About Looked After Children

Do looked after children always settle quickly?

No. Some children settle quickly, while others need more time to feel safe and comfortable.

How much should I talk to a child when they arrive?

Follow their lead. Some children want to talk, others need quiet reassurance.

Who supports foster carers during the early days?

Your link worker and the wider fostering team are there to guide and support you.

Can small actions really make a difference?

Yes. Consistency, calmness and patience often make the biggest impact.